Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Grateful to Half Past Kissin Time for Friday Fragments… gives me something to look forward to on Fridays and.. I’ve even caught myself holding onto moments thinking “this is perfect for Friday fragments!” … oh, lazy me.

• A favorite show my son and I enjoy together is Man vs. Wild – we simply cannot pull ourselves away from it if it’s on. And N has taken to looking it up On Demand and re-watching episodes we have already seen. He’s been a huge Bear Grylls fan from the first time he saw the show. So, you would think I would have seen this one coming, but I didn’t… N says, “Mom, in case you hadn’t considered it, Bear Grylls would be a really cool step-dad!” Oh, if it were only that easy honey-bunch! He was so serious. It was hard not to laugh… I guess he thinks if he has some input in the step-dad department he might be better off.  He might be right.

• N also mentioned that he never ever wants a step-dad unless it’s someone who is nice.  Like, really nice. To me, and to him. Oh, and if they have  kid, and they are nice, then he wants them. Just like <:insert my best friends name here:> -” he would be a great step-dad!” I am starting to feel like my son is trying to marry me off!

• After the 1st of the year, I will officially have health insurance again. I am very excited!! It’s been nearly 2 years without any, and I’m supposed to be on medication for my heart so I have been worried this entire time about that, which I’m sure didn’t help the condition. It seems silly to be excited as I am about health insurance, but it really makes life so much easier. Oh  wait, or is that the little peach pills they give me? ha. Kidding. Ok, not really. Moving on…

• I wish the troll on Twitter would just stop. It’s becoming harder and harder to not lash out at her, and I really don’t want to get involved like that. I wish she would just shut.her.F ‘ing.mouth.

• I have decided once again to break out the camera. I have been feeling the urge to take pictures, it’s overwhelming to me and I cannot fight it… I enjoy photography as much as sex!  Maybe that’s too much information, but for the record… I haven’t seen any action in either department in quite some time.  I say that like it’s a good thing. Anyway, so today I get to do a photo-shoot of my sister’s future niece’s. I’m so very excited. I hope I can sneak a few good ones of N in too, while I’m at it. He has become so anti-camera in his grouchy old age of 7 that I don’t even know what to do …. I suspect, I overdid it a little the first 4 years of his life and now he is just done with being photographed for the rest of his life. I hope I’m wrong. Maybe I should, er… I mean, maybe Santa should get him a digital camera for Christmas. Maybe, just maybe…

• Speaking of Christmas, I’m extremely disappointed that it’s going to be so tight for us this year. While switching jobs, I thought I was in the clear because I wouldn’t miss a payday… what I failed to realize was that the new company I am working for is on a different pay period, even though it’s the same payday. So, long story short, I am getting paid for 1 week instead of 2 weeks like I’d planned on. On top of that, the ex is 2 months behind on child support, which he says he will have one month for me on the 20th and the other on the 23rd. Not a lot of time to get Christmas shopping done once I get that – and that’s a big IF – if it’s on time, if it’s the full amount – but, I will do what I can I suppose. I had to call the power company and the phone company today to ask to defer my bills for a week so our shit doesn’t get cut off. I hate when things get to this point, and a part of me – a huge part of me – wants to scream at my ex for it and blame him. Granted, it’s not his fault, it must be F ‘ing nice to be able to pay all of your bills and think “oh, I’ll just pay that child support later on, whenever I get around to it, no big deal” asshat. It’s making me quite the Scrooge, because if nothing else I always want my son to have good Christmases, good memories… and I was hoping this one would be okay. And maybe it will. Hopefully. Because it’s our first one, just me and him. And I have a strong and urgent need for it to be a special one for him.

• My sister is pregnant! For the first time in my life, *I* get to be the aunt. I’m so, so incredibly excited I can hardly stand it! She’s due, we guesstimated, around the end of July. I’m hoping for twins (it’s possible) like there’s no tomorrow!! It’s really a wonderful, wonderful thing… she thought she couldn’t have children because of PCOS and here she is knocked up. Thank you Jesus!

N and I are finally in our own place. We are working out something of a routine, but we’re still adjusting. It’s very different just being him and I, but it’s already a huge improvement in our lives. I’m not sure how long we’ll stay in this place, it’s a very tiny one bedroom duplex. My sister is in the other side, so that’s nice. And it’s a s great neighborhood, on a dead end road. Very peaceful here – I like that. But we just don’t have room. I am hoping to qualify for some housing assistance, and then maybe we can afford something larger. Nothing too fancy, but 2 bedrooms would be nice! However, I’m grateful to have what we have now. So very grateful! I feel as if I’m finally able to grasp at the strands of sanity, and maybe even hold onto a few…

The only thing I hate is being single. I hate that I hate being single. What’s wrong with me? I want so badly to love this time in my life, and enjoy it, but I just do.not.do.single.well. And I really, really want to… I am trying very hard to focus on me and N and fill my time with things that we like, things that make us smile and laugh, with high hopes that I will rediscover myself and be the best mother that I can be to N…. I realize full and well that being single is the equivalent of being alone.. it’s just that i feel so alone… if that makes any sense.

I think I am single for a reason…. I’m not sure what that reason is exactly, but it feels like something good is in store for me and N… I just have to be patient, and wait for what’s right. You just don’t know how hard that is for me, because if I had it my way I’d run as fast as I could in the wrong direction with the first Mr. Wrong that made me laugh for a minute…

I need help. I may have mental issues.

Today’s conversation with N….

Me: I love you, baby.

N: I love you to mom. And listen, you can call me baby now but when I’m all grown up, can you not call me baby anymore? Because I won’t be one…

Me: *hmph* Well… I don’t care how old you are, or how grown up you are, you’ll always be my baby…

N: Ok look mom, just don’t embarass me with all that baby stuff. That’s all I’m tryin’ to say, alright?

Me: Okay. So can I call you sugar-booger instead?

N: Mom! I said do not embarrass me. You can’t say things like that in front of my friends at school. Do you understand?

Me: … but… but… you are my baby… and my sugar-booger…..

N: Okay mom, how about if you just call me those thing when it’s just me and you. If I let you do that, will you promise not to embarrass me when I’m a teenager in high school?

Me: *snicker* Why, certainly!

If I am going to post everyday, I have to have some sort of structure. From now on, I will have Thankful Thursdays, and Flickr Fridays. Let’s just see how that works out…

This Thursday is no different than any other day in my life – I’m thankful that I am N’s mom. So, so very thankful that it was me who was picked to be HIS mom. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love every single solitary second I get to spend with him.

This week has been absolute turmoil in my life.  My job has come crashing down on me with a force that is trying to knock me to my knees, but the real truth is it has been a blessing in disguise. I have missed most of my boy’s soccer games this season, so everything that has happened this week, I see now has been with much reason. This week has been full of his soccer tournament games… and I have missed so much, just in this short season. Maybe it just feels like a lot to me, because until I started this job, I missed NOTHING. Not a single moment of his life did I miss. Then, I had no choice, and it hurt.. gosh, it hurt so bad to not be there for everything. I realize it’s not always possible, but it was killing me inside.

However, this week I have been granted the week off (read that how you want, lol)… and do I care? No, not in the least. It hasn’t crossed my mind, or bothered me in the least… because you see, I have been at every game this week, and have been on the sidelines screaming and cheering (in typical Heather fashion) my boy on, and tonight they secured their spot in 2nd place. I am so proud of him, he is doing SO well and he loves it SO much – AND I GOT TO SEE IT ALL!! I’m very, very happy… and extremely thankful that the random events that led up to me being able to see my boys games this week happened, no matter what the consequence.

So, why am I taking this trip down memory lane with the pictures? I’m not sure. I love the kid he has become, but I can’t help but miss the baby that he was.. and also, be very thankful that I was granted the opportunity to stay home with him and never miss a moment. That is a blessing in and of itself. Nothing measures up to that.

One Hundred Years from now
It will not matter
what kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
how much money was in my bank account
nor what my clothes looked like.
But the world may be a better place because
I was important in the life of a child.