Posts Tagged ‘ER’

• Every time I decide to be done with him – every.single.time. – he says and does all the right things, and keeps me hanging on just a little bit longer…

I’m falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heart….Tomorrow might be hell, But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all… And I can’t help myself… So I’ll just hold on…I’ll just hold on… Until your gone

• I don’t understand how one of the best friendships I have ever had has suddenly taken a very wrong turn. I don’t know how it happened, and I can’t digest the ugly things being said and the accusations that are being slung in my direction. The whole thing really hurts my feelings.
• I (obviously) do not deal well with things ending – I don’t like the idea of losing people from my life. I don’t let go well. I don’t know how, and I don’t want to know… because I don’t want to let go.
• I love my new found freedom… the freedom of having my own place, and being 100% in control of my whole life… I just hate, and I mean really, really hate, doing it all alone.
• I wish I didn’t trust people so easily. Seriously. They always let me down. Maybe I am just a bad judge of character? Maybe I choose the wrong people to have in my life? I don’t know…. obviously they are the wrong people if I can’t trust them, eh? Blech.
• I wrecked a 4 wheeler last week, and spent Sunday in the ER. Just me & N. It was scary. X-rays, CT Scans, and found out I have a fractured rib and sprained wrist. Dr thought it was my spleen, only when the mention of surgery come up was I able to talk my dear family into coming to get N from the ER “just in case”…. in which case, I found myself alone, and scared, and weak to the point of tears. A friend of mine works at the hospital, and she checked on me several times. Thank God for her.
• I have been so emotional lately. I can cry anytime, for anything.. I constantly feel pressure/weight in my chest… everything feels so heavy to me. All I want to do is cry.
• I am concerned and confused as to why I always seem to feel like I am waiting for my life to start… I am 34, and when I realize that that’s what I’m doing, it scares me and makes me so sad. I don’t want to live my life waiting for it to start, but this life I have isn’t the one I wanted…

Sorry for the randomness. I’m feeling very scattered tonight. Very unorganized. A total hot mess. And the random insertion of lyrics – it’s always one of the three with me – a photo, a quote, or a song lyric. Those are the things that give me my voice…

Today I stepped back into the world of “productive citizens”. I’m now officially a working single mom. Wow. That’s weird, typing it out… Today is the first day I have gone to a place of employment and worked a full day in approximately 8.5 years – I am completely, physically & emotionally, drained.

I spent the first half of the day in Orientation, and the second half OTJ training. The best part was when the guy that hired me asked me if I wanted to take the full-time position that just opened up today – um, what? Did I hear benefits and paid vacation? Hellz yeah. I’m on it like white on rice, brotha!

Did I mention that I might be a tad delirious? Yep. It’s very possible. I was afraid I would be late this morning because you know, it was my first day in a thousand years working again, so I woke up at 3am, 3:30am, 4am, 4:30am, 5am, 5:30am, and finally… at 6am when my alarm went off. That’s not necessarily what I call “good sleep”, if ya know what I mean.

The job is quite intimidating. I’m anxious to learn everything because it’s fast paced and requires a lot of attention to detail, and I’m scared I’m just going to mess something up and ruin the whole entire dang operation. Not possible, I’m sure, but I don’t like to screw up so I’d rather just know everything. This is my goal.

I don’t know how a full-time work schedule fits into the life of being a mom and an actual living, breathing human being… but I suppose I will find out soon enough. I hope I can balance it all, and make really great things happen for me and The Boy.

Nothing to do with anything, really. Just me and my new hair.

This is me on work, haha.

My boy… being cute.