Archive for the ‘Friday Fragments’ Category

Grateful to Half Past Kissin Time for Friday Fragments… gives me something to look forward to on Fridays and.. I’ve even caught myself holding onto moments thinking “this is perfect for Friday fragments!” … oh, lazy me.

• A favorite show my son and I enjoy together is Man vs. Wild – we simply cannot pull ourselves away from it if it’s on. And N has taken to looking it up On Demand and re-watching episodes we have already seen. He’s been a huge Bear Grylls fan from the first time he saw the show. So, you would think I would have seen this one coming, but I didn’t… N says, “Mom, in case you hadn’t considered it, Bear Grylls would be a really cool step-dad!” Oh, if it were only that easy honey-bunch! He was so serious. It was hard not to laugh… I guess he thinks if he has some input in the step-dad department he might be better off.  He might be right.

• N also mentioned that he never ever wants a step-dad unless it’s someone who is nice.  Like, really nice. To me, and to him. Oh, and if they have  kid, and they are nice, then he wants them. Just like <:insert my best friends name here:> -” he would be a great step-dad!” I am starting to feel like my son is trying to marry me off!

• After the 1st of the year, I will officially have health insurance again. I am very excited!! It’s been nearly 2 years without any, and I’m supposed to be on medication for my heart so I have been worried this entire time about that, which I’m sure didn’t help the condition. It seems silly to be excited as I am about health insurance, but it really makes life so much easier. Oh  wait, or is that the little peach pills they give me? ha. Kidding. Ok, not really. Moving on…

• I wish the troll on Twitter would just stop. It’s becoming harder and harder to not lash out at her, and I really don’t want to get involved like that. I wish she would just shut.her.F ‘ing.mouth.

• I have decided once again to break out the camera. I have been feeling the urge to take pictures, it’s overwhelming to me and I cannot fight it… I enjoy photography as much as sex!  Maybe that’s too much information, but for the record… I haven’t seen any action in either department in quite some time.  I say that like it’s a good thing. Anyway, so today I get to do a photo-shoot of my sister’s future niece’s. I’m so very excited. I hope I can sneak a few good ones of N in too, while I’m at it. He has become so anti-camera in his grouchy old age of 7 that I don’t even know what to do …. I suspect, I overdid it a little the first 4 years of his life and now he is just done with being photographed for the rest of his life. I hope I’m wrong. Maybe I should, er… I mean, maybe Santa should get him a digital camera for Christmas. Maybe, just maybe…

• Speaking of Christmas, I’m extremely disappointed that it’s going to be so tight for us this year. While switching jobs, I thought I was in the clear because I wouldn’t miss a payday… what I failed to realize was that the new company I am working for is on a different pay period, even though it’s the same payday. So, long story short, I am getting paid for 1 week instead of 2 weeks like I’d planned on. On top of that, the ex is 2 months behind on child support, which he says he will have one month for me on the 20th and the other on the 23rd. Not a lot of time to get Christmas shopping done once I get that – and that’s a big IF – if it’s on time, if it’s the full amount – but, I will do what I can I suppose. I had to call the power company and the phone company today to ask to defer my bills for a week so our shit doesn’t get cut off. I hate when things get to this point, and a part of me – a huge part of me – wants to scream at my ex for it and blame him. Granted, it’s not his fault, it must be F ‘ing nice to be able to pay all of your bills and think “oh, I’ll just pay that child support later on, whenever I get around to it, no big deal” asshat. It’s making me quite the Scrooge, because if nothing else I always want my son to have good Christmases, good memories… and I was hoping this one would be okay. And maybe it will. Hopefully. Because it’s our first one, just me and him. And I have a strong and urgent need for it to be a special one for him.

• My sister is pregnant! For the first time in my life, *I* get to be the aunt. I’m so, so incredibly excited I can hardly stand it! She’s due, we guesstimated, around the end of July. I’m hoping for twins (it’s possible) like there’s no tomorrow!! It’s really a wonderful, wonderful thing… she thought she couldn’t have children because of PCOS and here she is knocked up. Thank you Jesus!

♥ I’m discovering daily, that there ARE some people who are worth it. There are some good people left, and I’m lucky enough to call them my friends. People that will be there for me in my hours of darkness, and that will be there to help me create memories with and for N. I’m learning to appreciate those people, and stop considering everyone a “friend”. These folks, the ones that help me get through life everyday, they are my life force.

♥ My son got in the car on Wednesday when I picked him up from aftercare, and began to sing a song that sounded vaguely familiar, but then… the lyrics changed… he sang “The sun’s going down… and I’m smokin’ a fatty” – I was at a complete loss for words. I sorted it out – he was singing to the tune of Kenny Chesney’s “When the sun goes down” but I think he got his lyrics confused with the Zac Brown Band “Toes” song, the part where they say “gonna lay in the hot sun and roll a big fat one…” Yeah. What do you do with THAT?

♥ We had an unplanned “redneck night” at my house this week. Probably my dearest and closest friend in the world right now came over, and proceeded to carve N’s pumpkin with a chainsaw. He carved an N in it, and in the process slung pumpkin guts all over my car. Then they gutted it, and we stuck  a candle in it. Then he threw rocks in the trees to scare the squirrels so N could shoot them with his BB gun. Then we (yes, we… ) shot beer cans (for hours) with the BB gun. Then, they set antbeds on fire with starter fluid. Simple, but fun. And another memory.

♥ I have been dodging my landlord all week, because I am short on my rent. It’s not easy, they live next door! So glad that today is payday.

♥ My car needs work, again. I can’t afford it, but it has to be done. I’m sick of this car, but it’s paid for… aside from the fact that everytime I seem to catch up, it costs me an arm and a leg to have something else done to it.

♥ I hit rock bottom this week. Spent 2 days in the bed. I still can pinpoint exactly why, other than I just couldn’t take one.single.more.thing. Only one person checked on me regularly. Which, in retrospect, is partly the reason I think I broke down. I know that probably doesn’t make sense to you, but to me, it’s perfectly clear now. Something surfaced inside of me, and I didn’t know what to do with it (and I still don’t), but it had/has a lot to do with that person. Enough of that.

♥ I can’t keep a clean house. This week, I’m struggling with accepting that and moving on, or continuing to fight that blatant truth. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not disgusting, or dirty, and it doesn’t stink. It’s just MESSY. I blame a lot of it on “we don’t have room…” but, that’s not the whole truth. I’ve always been like this. I just don’t throw things away. Like my aunt, and mother, and grandmother…. maybe it’s hereditary? I tried implementing Flylady.net into my life several times, but it drives me crazy. To fight the battle, or not? I’m not sure yet.

♥ I have, however, managed to catch up and stay caught up on laundry since fixing my dryer problem. That, I’m proud of! Although I discovered, much to my dismay, that now that all of my clothes are clean, they are inexplicably tight. This does not sit well with me. I’m already FAT, I won’t go up one.more.size. Ever.

♥ Halloween night, N was with his dad. I was out with friends and acquaintances and there was a costume contest. Later on, a fight broke out. Someone had a gun. That someone walked past my friend and I on the porch and said, I kid you not, “If you have any friends inside that want to live, tell them to leave.” I nearly shit my pants. Who does that? This is a small town, very small. No idea who he was. Wish he never found us. The police were there, my friend and I immediately told them what he said and his ass got carted off to jail. That was right before my 2 day breakdown. I think it kind of freaked me out more than I even realized at that moment.

♥ In Wal-mart a few days ago, N had to use the restroom. He has been complaining for years now that he is tired of going into the women’s room with me, and WHY, dear God, why won’t I just let him go in the men’s restroom alone? I mean, he’s NOT a baby. (his words, not mine) Well, this said day, he had to go… and I mean, he had to go bad. He zoomed past me and took off into the men’s room before I knew it happened. Then it hit me – full panic. My 7 year old was in the men’s room. Alone. Without his over-protective mother. With god-knows-who. Thank the Good Lord he was quick about it, because I could feel a panic attack coming on. Especially when others came out, or went in – I wanted, wholeheartedly to throw my arm out in front of them and tell them to STOP, don’t go in, my child is in there!

**Okay, this is my first ever Friday Fragments post – and I think I love it. Thanks to Half Past Kissin Time for coming up with it! ♥