Archive for the ‘Casting Call’ Category

Music always speaks to me, for me, through me… this song, this is so perfect in everyway for me, right now.

I ain’t even gonna to ask you
I can read you like a book
Girl if I ever saw one that’s an
I can’t believe I did that look
You look like something that the cat drug in
So I won’t kick you while you’re down
Just let me tell you friend to friend
‘Bout a block I’ve been around

Did you really think last night would last forever
Did you really think that guy hung the moon
Right now you hate yourself ’cause you knew better
But there’s no use crying over spilled perfume

There’s a big difference between lonely
And lonely for way too long
And I knew when he made his move
You weren’t feeling all that strong
So I bit my tongue ’cause I saw it coming
As you danced so close to him
It’s two steps forward and three steps back
When a heart is on the mend

Did you really think last night would last forever
Did you really think that guy hung the moon
Right now you hate yourself ’cause you knew better
But there’s no use crying over spilled perfume

You fell in a moment of weakness
Well you just got to pull yourself back up
Dry your morning-after tears
‘Cause what’s done is done

Did you really think last night would last forever
Did you really think that guy hung the moon
Right now you hate yourself ’cause you knew better
But there’s no use crying over spilled perfume

No use crying over, no use crying over
No use crying over, spilled perfumespi

This is me. Heather. Last week this photo was taken. Nothing special, I know. However, I also know that I’m not grossly disfigured, morbidly obese, or impossible to deal with. All in all, I think I’m a pretty decent person. I get alone with everyone. I’d do anything for my friends. When I love, I love with everything I am. I’m fun and witty, and… terribly co-dependent, depressed, and just flat out sad. Deep down inside, I’m sad.

All I have ever wanted in life is happiness. To love and be loved is, to me, happiness. But for me, it’s equivelant to “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”… that’s how it works out for me. Why? I don’t understand. I really don’t. I have worked hard to maintain friendships, remain loyal, uphold my family name, and be an all around decent person. And for what? Where is it getting me? Nowhere. Fucking nowhere.

Everyday gets worse and worse. They say it gets worse before it gets better – well goddamn it, I’m ready for better. When does better get here? How long does “worse” hang around? I’m so fucking over it.

“Just being me” is never good enough. Not even for the LOSERS I’m attracted to. It’s disgusting. I’ve GOT to get my head on straight and figure out a way to live happy without needing or wanting someone else to help make it happen. I fucking hate “just me” right now. I hate the way I feel, because of the situatious and relationships I get MYSELF into. I’m done blaming anyone else. It’s me. Just me.

I believe love is….

• caring about what is best for someone, wanting what makes that person happy, without expecting anything in return.
• knowing the risk, and taking it.
• knowing that taking the risk could destroy you and shatter your heart in a million pieces, and taking it anyway.
• letting go of someone, knowing it will devastate your world.
• watching someone pursue what they want in life, what makes them happy, and genuinely wanting them to have that.
• not ever wanting to see that person hurt, no matter the cost to your own heart.
• smiling when you see the one you love, even if your heart is breaking.

…. in my world, anyway….

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart.

So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”
— Bob Marley