Archive for November, 2009

♥ I’m discovering daily, that there ARE some people who are worth it. There are some good people left, and I’m lucky enough to call them my friends. People that will be there for me in my hours of darkness, and that will be there to help me create memories with and for N. I’m learning to appreciate those people, and stop considering everyone a “friend”. These folks, the ones that help me get through life everyday, they are my life force.

♥ My son got in the car on Wednesday when I picked him up from aftercare, and began to sing a song that sounded vaguely familiar, but then… the lyrics changed… he sang “The sun’s going down… and I’m smokin’ a fatty” – I was at a complete loss for words. I sorted it out – he was singing to the tune of Kenny Chesney’s “When the sun goes down” but I think he got his lyrics confused with the Zac Brown Band “Toes” song, the part where they say “gonna lay in the hot sun and roll a big fat one…” Yeah. What do you do with THAT?

♥ We had an unplanned “redneck night” at my house this week. Probably my dearest and closest friend in the world right now came over, and proceeded to carve N’s pumpkin with a chainsaw. He carved an N in it, and in the process slung pumpkin guts all over my car. Then they gutted it, and we stuck  a candle in it. Then he threw rocks in the trees to scare the squirrels so N could shoot them with his BB gun. Then we (yes, we… ) shot beer cans (for hours) with the BB gun. Then, they set antbeds on fire with starter fluid. Simple, but fun. And another memory.

♥ I have been dodging my landlord all week, because I am short on my rent. It’s not easy, they live next door! So glad that today is payday.

♥ My car needs work, again. I can’t afford it, but it has to be done. I’m sick of this car, but it’s paid for… aside from the fact that everytime I seem to catch up, it costs me an arm and a leg to have something else done to it.

♥ I hit rock bottom this week. Spent 2 days in the bed. I still can pinpoint exactly why, other than I just couldn’t take one.single.more.thing. Only one person checked on me regularly. Which, in retrospect, is partly the reason I think I broke down. I know that probably doesn’t make sense to you, but to me, it’s perfectly clear now. Something surfaced inside of me, and I didn’t know what to do with it (and I still don’t), but it had/has a lot to do with that person. Enough of that.

♥ I can’t keep a clean house. This week, I’m struggling with accepting that and moving on, or continuing to fight that blatant truth. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not disgusting, or dirty, and it doesn’t stink. It’s just MESSY. I blame a lot of it on “we don’t have room…” but, that’s not the whole truth. I’ve always been like this. I just don’t throw things away. Like my aunt, and mother, and grandmother…. maybe it’s hereditary? I tried implementing Flylady.net into my life several times, but it drives me crazy. To fight the battle, or not? I’m not sure yet.

♥ I have, however, managed to catch up and stay caught up on laundry since fixing my dryer problem. That, I’m proud of! Although I discovered, much to my dismay, that now that all of my clothes are clean, they are inexplicably tight. This does not sit well with me. I’m already FAT, I won’t go up one.more.size. Ever.

♥ Halloween night, N was with his dad. I was out with friends and acquaintances and there was a costume contest. Later on, a fight broke out. Someone had a gun. That someone walked past my friend and I on the porch and said, I kid you not, “If you have any friends inside that want to live, tell them to leave.” I nearly shit my pants. Who does that? This is a small town, very small. No idea who he was. Wish he never found us. The police were there, my friend and I immediately told them what he said and his ass got carted off to jail. That was right before my 2 day breakdown. I think it kind of freaked me out more than I even realized at that moment.

♥ In Wal-mart a few days ago, N had to use the restroom. He has been complaining for years now that he is tired of going into the women’s room with me, and WHY, dear God, why won’t I just let him go in the men’s restroom alone? I mean, he’s NOT a baby. (his words, not mine) Well, this said day, he had to go… and I mean, he had to go bad. He zoomed past me and took off into the men’s room before I knew it happened. Then it hit me – full panic. My 7 year old was in the men’s room. Alone. Without his over-protective mother. With god-knows-who. Thank the Good Lord he was quick about it, because I could feel a panic attack coming on. Especially when others came out, or went in – I wanted, wholeheartedly to throw my arm out in front of them and tell them to STOP, don’t go in, my child is in there!

**Okay, this is my first ever Friday Fragments post – and I think I love it. Thanks to Half Past Kissin Time for coming up with it! ♥