Archive for June, 2009

• Every time I decide to be done with him – every.single.time. – he says and does all the right things, and keeps me hanging on just a little bit longer…

I’m falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heart….Tomorrow might be hell, But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all… And I can’t help myself… So I’ll just hold on…I’ll just hold on… Until your gone

• I don’t understand how one of the best friendships I have ever had has suddenly taken a very wrong turn. I don’t know how it happened, and I can’t digest the ugly things being said and the accusations that are being slung in my direction. The whole thing really hurts my feelings.
• I (obviously) do not deal well with things ending – I don’t like the idea of losing people from my life. I don’t let go well. I don’t know how, and I don’t want to know… because I don’t want to let go.
• I love my new found freedom… the freedom of having my own place, and being 100% in control of my whole life… I just hate, and I mean really, really hate, doing it all alone.
• I wish I didn’t trust people so easily. Seriously. They always let me down. Maybe I am just a bad judge of character? Maybe I choose the wrong people to have in my life? I don’t know…. obviously they are the wrong people if I can’t trust them, eh? Blech.
• I wrecked a 4 wheeler last week, and spent Sunday in the ER. Just me & N. It was scary. X-rays, CT Scans, and found out I have a fractured rib and sprained wrist. Dr thought it was my spleen, only when the mention of surgery come up was I able to talk my dear family into coming to get N from the ER “just in case”…. in which case, I found myself alone, and scared, and weak to the point of tears. A friend of mine works at the hospital, and she checked on me several times. Thank God for her.
• I have been so emotional lately. I can cry anytime, for anything.. I constantly feel pressure/weight in my chest… everything feels so heavy to me. All I want to do is cry.
• I am concerned and confused as to why I always seem to feel like I am waiting for my life to start… I am 34, and when I realize that that’s what I’m doing, it scares me and makes me so sad. I don’t want to live my life waiting for it to start, but this life I have isn’t the one I wanted…

Sorry for the randomness. I’m feeling very scattered tonight. Very unorganized. A total hot mess. And the random insertion of lyrics – it’s always one of the three with me – a photo, a quote, or a song lyric. Those are the things that give me my voice…

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What do you suppose I do with this??

I’ll tell ya what I didn’t do…. I didn’t say no!

That’s right… this sweet faced kitty now resides in our home…

Or more precisely, in our bed…

She has made herself at home rather quickly.

Translation: She has made herself Queen of this Castle in less than 24 hours.

But would you look at that irresistible smile?

Seriously… she is smiling, right?

Meet Pixie.

Smiling, swinging from my camera strap, bed hog Pixie.

We love her.

in the ER on Sunday, the Nurse says to me: “Okay, we need you to pee in this cup so we can do a pregnancy test on ya… We have to make sure you’re not pregnant before we can do the x-rays…”

N (eyes bugging out of his head): “Mom!! You have a BABY in there?!”