• Every time I decide to be done with him – every.single.time. – he says and does all the right things, and keeps me hanging on just a little bit longer…

I’m falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heart….Tomorrow might be hell, But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all… And I can’t help myself… So I’ll just hold on…I’ll just hold on… Until your gone

• I don’t understand how one of the best friendships I have ever had has suddenly taken a very wrong turn. I don’t know how it happened, and I can’t digest the ugly things being said and the accusations that are being slung in my direction. The whole thing really hurts my feelings.
• I (obviously) do not deal well with things ending – I don’t like the idea of losing people from my life. I don’t let go well. I don’t know how, and I don’t want to know… because I don’t want to let go.
• I love my new found freedom… the freedom of having my own place, and being 100% in control of my whole life… I just hate, and I mean really, really hate, doing it all alone.
• I wish I didn’t trust people so easily. Seriously. They always let me down. Maybe I am just a bad judge of character? Maybe I choose the wrong people to have in my life? I don’t know…. obviously they are the wrong people if I can’t trust them, eh? Blech.
• I wrecked a 4 wheeler last week, and spent Sunday in the ER. Just me & N. It was scary. X-rays, CT Scans, and found out I have a fractured rib and sprained wrist. Dr thought it was my spleen, only when the mention of surgery come up was I able to talk my dear family into coming to get N from the ER “just in case”…. in which case, I found myself alone, and scared, and weak to the point of tears. A friend of mine works at the hospital, and she checked on me several times. Thank God for her.
• I have been so emotional lately. I can cry anytime, for anything.. I constantly feel pressure/weight in my chest… everything feels so heavy to me. All I want to do is cry.
• I am concerned and confused as to why I always seem to feel like I am waiting for my life to start… I am 34, and when I realize that that’s what I’m doing, it scares me and makes me so sad. I don’t want to live my life waiting for it to start, but this life I have isn’t the one I wanted…

Sorry for the randomness. I’m feeling very scattered tonight. Very unorganized. A total hot mess. And the random insertion of lyrics – it’s always one of the three with me – a photo, a quote, or a song lyric. Those are the things that give me my voice…

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