Archive for January, 2009

Yesterday, I busted out the camera and we took pictures.. it’s been a little while since we had good fun with pictures, and we were in rare form… well, okay, I was in rare form… but we had fun. And look, even my flowers like Patron! No seriously, doesn’t a Patron bottle make the cutest little vase? I thought so… I’ll take the stickers of, eventually.

I had some fun with N while my sister took some pictures… He never even knew what was going on. It was so funny when he finally saw these, he couldn’t believe that I “got” him!

Poor kid. I wonder what it’s like to have a retarded mother….

I wanted my sister to try to get a decent shot of me… she said for me to put my hand on the pole, which I immediately thought “How CHEESY”, but I did and this is what she got.. then about a nanosecond later, the wind blew and I felt the power of the cheesiness of my hand on the pole, and well… I worked it…

I really didn’t think she’d catch that, because it was so quick, but… pictures don’t lie! I am cheesy, people! And I have fun being me

Then my sister’s boyfriend and N decided to jump off of the porch, and damnit, I didn’t have my shutter speed set right to capture this! It was hilarious, and I think it’s okay that it’s blurry.. you can see how spontaneous it was lol

Then I got a decent picture…

…and decided, I’d had enough. And that it was too cold outside to continue this madness!

It’s Flickr Friday, and love is in the air!

Okay, not really. But I want it to be. I’m feeling very hopeful. Things are happening, and I feel like a spectator in my own life. People are coming, and people are going… and I am just watching to see who’s going to have a seat and stay awhile… Wow. Am I crazy?

I want love again. Someday. Preferably, someday soon. And to be cliche – I want a love like Johnny & June.

Oh there’s something ’bout a man in black,
Makes me want to buy a Cadillac,
Throw the top back,
And roll down to Jackson town,
I wanna be there on the stage with you,
You and I could be the next rage too,
Hear the crowd roar,
Make ‘em one more,
I’ll kick the footlights out,

I want  love like Johnny and June,
Rings of fire burnin’ with you,
I wanna walk the line,
Walk the line,
‘Till the end of time,
I wanna love,
Love ya that much,
Cash it all in,
Give it all up,
When you’re gone,
I wanna go too,
Like Johnny and June,

I wanna hold you baby right or wrong,
Build a world around a country song,
Pray a sweet prayer,
Follow you there,
Down in history,

I wanna love like Johnny and June,
Rings of fire burnin’ with you,
I wanna walk the line,
Walk the line,
‘Till the end of time,
I wanna love,
Love ya that much,
Cash it all in,
Give it all up,
When you’re gone,
I wanna go too,
Like Johnny and June,

Like Johnny and June,
More than life itself,
No-one else,
This here is promise,
They don’t make love like that anymore,
Is that too much to be askin’ for,

I wanna love like Johnny and June,
Rings of fire burnin’ with you,
I wanna walk the line,
Walk the line,
‘Till the end of time,
I wanna love,
Love ya that much,
Cash it all in,
Give it all up,
When you’re gone,
I wanna go too,
Like Johnny and June,

Like Johnny and June,
And when we’re gone,
There’ll be no tears to cry,
Only memories of our lives,
They’ll remember, remember,
A love like that.

I was tagged over at The Dish & The Spoon to name 7 random/weird things about myself. There are SO many more than 7, let me see if I can narrow this down…

1. The clothes in my closet (and consequently, my son’s) are arranged from light to dark, and separated in sections (ie: short sleeve, no collar; short sleeve w/collar; short sleeve button up; etc.) I can’t help it, and would rather NOT put the clothes away if I don’t have the time to organize them properly.
2. On the subject of clothing, all underwear gets folded. Yes, folded.
3. My movies are all stored in alphabetical order.
4. I like to make tea as soon as I turn off the pot of boiling water. If someone cuts it off without telling me, I have to start over.
5. There is no such thing as disinfecting too much. This includes counters, hands, you name it.
6. My mom tried to get my grandparents to adopt me when my dad left, when I was 2.
7. Little things, such as a paper cut, stubbing my toe, or hitting my funny bone send me over the edge and into a drama filled frenzy of “ooh ouch ouch aaah, oh my gawd, ouch, ouch” – but big things, like having c-sections, or breaking an arm, or having a chemical peel, getting things pierced or getting tattoos are just fine by me.

Whew. Survived it! Now I am supposed to tag 7 other blogs that I read. This could be difficult, but let’s see what I have for you…

1. See Kori Rant
2. Charming & Delightful
3. Looky, Daddy!
4. Quiet Life
5. Motherhood Uncensored
6. a bright future
7. It’s All About Balance

I’m excited about this post! Kori over at See Kori Rant sent me these interview questions to answer in a blog post. I like the idea of answering questions that are being posed at me, instead of just in general. So, after thinking about these for quick minute, I’m going to give it my best shot …

(LOVE the City Slickers reference Kori – genius )

This is a letter I sent to the girl next door tonight. She had sent me a short apology via Myspace, which enraged me because she is such trifling bitch. This isn’t my first go around with her. We have never gotten along. And to add to that tension, she is also the ex-girlfriend of this guy, who I will call J (and for the record, they were NOT together at the time of my post lol). He is a friend of mine. Yeah, we had a rough patch, but it’s over, and it’s all good (despite my lingering, and sometimes obvious jealousy). And you know what? I value my friends. This girl had another thing coming when she thought she’d send me a cheap apology and expect me to be all “Oh, it’s okay. No problem! Let’s be friends!” — I’m removing names to protect the innocent This is my prime example of the “Use Your Words” lecture my son always gets…

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T****,

Let me start out by saying that I don’t believe you. I don’t believe your apology is sincere. Nor do I believe that you have changed, as you indicated in the comment on G****’s page. I have watched you tell too many lies about people that I love dearly, and I’m much more inclined to believe that instead of changing and being apologetic for your childish actions, you are indeed still trying to pull one shenanigan after another.

If there were even an infinitesimal chance that you were apologetic or had changed, I believe it would START with you withdrawing any and all legal matters that you have started with J. Also, I am inclined to believe that someone who had genuinely changed would be the first to offer to give him his belongings back so that life could go on. So unless you’ve done those things, I don’t believe a word you say.

Your intention behind this email is evident. Also, it will never work. I know your sneaky tactics, T****. The simple fact of the matter is this: I always have been, and always will be J’s friend. I have no pity for you now, nor will I ever. The legality issues that you are having with J were brought on by you, and only you. You know as well as I do that it could be over with in no time, yet you continue to allow it to drag on.

Why can’t you just have a clean break? Why not break-up like normal people? He gets his things, you get yours, and everyone goes their separate ways? It was a matter of days before you had J*** living in your house, T****. Last time, you suckered poor C**** into falling for your trickery. You’ve always got a man readily available, yet you want to paint J to be the evil, heartless one. You should have a look in the mirror before you go casting stones.

I do hope that you have not violated any terms of the restraining order, because while I have not personally seen the paperwork, most seem to cover any contact with a third party.

And the very next time you want to accuse me of “wanting to fuck your man”, do your homework honey. Unless of course, you want to hear the sordid details? Because trust me, nothing would give me more pleasure than to deliver those details to you in glorious fashion…

You have done nothing but prove to everyone how profanely materialistic, greedy, obsessed, unstable and callous you are. And furthermore, your maneuvers to keep the things you have in life are nothing short of modern day prostitution. There is nothing respectful, or admirable about you. You have not, and you will not change. So having said all of that, let me end this by saying that I do NOT accept your apology, as I believe it to be of the utmost insincerity.

H~

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I wish she were smart enough to use her words, but the truth is all I got was a lame response from her… she can’t even keep it interesting for me. Damn the luck! Here is her response, unedited except to remove J’s name… I couldn’t make up this shit if I tried, lol…

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s far as the legal matters J did that would youlike to see I was sarved first. if it gets droped he has to drop it. he did it not me. and yes I am done with all the crap.Yea I am sorry take it or not. like it or not I hove lots of friends.

I’ve heard that it takes 20 days to break a habit. I’m not sure where I heard that, or how true it is, but it’s been stuck in my head since December 1st, when I set my small list of goals. I don’t think I realized it then, but the “stop biting my nails” goal was so much bigger than the actual goal itself. In retrospect, I can see clearly how I was setting myself up to break a bigger habit. The big habit I need to break is Dennis. I know this now, today, the first day of 2009. I see it more clearly now than ever before.

Last night, I ditched my friends because he called and claimed he wanted me to come hang out. I always do that. I’m always readily available to him. I won’t do that anymore. I vowed last night, or made a resolution, or whatever you’d like to call it, that I would no longer be available to him at his convenience. When I stood alone outside at midnight, and watched the sky explode into fireworks through the tears in my eyes, I knew.

I did not plan to change anything, or to make any resolutions. It was all unexpectedly thrust in my face last night, and I just realized that this is a new year, and it’s going to be my year. If things are going to change, it has to start with me. He will never change. Our relationship will never change. And what it is now is not good enough for me. So, I told him that. I told him that when I left there this morning, I would never return the same. I explained to him that loving him isn’t good for me, that I’m tired of having my heart broken over and over. I just can’t do it anymore, and I won’t. I told him, I’m better than this. I deserve better, and I am going to lay my claim on that and move forward with it.

Funny how it all started with something so little as to stop biting my nails. But in a moment of clarity last night, sometime around midnight when I was still alone, still fighting the tears, with an aching heart I looked at my hands, and I saw my long, beautiful fingernails… something I have never, ever had.. and I knew, in that moment, that I can do this. I can let go of him. And I will.

And I think I might even be looking forward to it. It doesn’t hurt as bad as staying where I was, and always hoping and waiting and praying for things to change. It feels… I don’t know… it feels very empowering to know that I can change this situation, and it won’t be the end of the world.

Happy New Year everyone.