My life has been flipped upside down, and I don’t even know where to begin. For the first time in a long time, I’ve found myself smitten with life in general. Little things don’t matter so much, and I’ve realized that being happy is a real possibility for me. It doesn’t always have to be misery and pain. I hate to pin my happiness to any one person, but the truth is, someone has come along and not only made me happy, but has shown me how to be happy. Wow. It’s crazy. The timing.. it couldn’t have been more perfect.

There are so many things that I don’t see in myself that he points out to me so often… the things he sees in me - wow!! It amazes me. It amazes me even more that he tells me these things, and absolutely with every intention of making sure I know he is sincere. What is THAT called? I don’t even KNOW!

Naturally, I sit around and over think things. I over analyze, nitpick, and could kick myself for it. He’s great. He’s handsome. He’s happy. He’s genuine. And he’s crazy about ME. And how do I know this? Because I DO. For once in my life, that is the ONE thing I don’t doubt - he IS crazy about me. Our relationship has not bypassed conversation and an occasional hug or hand holding - nothing else. He doesn’t try, I don’t push. Maybe we both need this to be right? I’m not sure. Maybe we’re both chickenshit? Maybe it’s because my divorce won’t be final until January? I don’t know. I think I’d wait though. If I have to, I would. I’m pretty sure. It’s just all so new, and my mind is BLOWN away by it all.

Let’s get this straight though… I have known this guy for well over 10 years. When I moved away in 1998, he actually wrote me a couple of letters. Then we lost touch. Almost 2 weeks ago, I ran into him… we talked for hours, and have been nearly inseparable ever since. I never saw him the way I see him now. And I have had this retarded grin on my face that I can’t seem to get rid of. Nor do I want to get rid of it. It’s pretty amazing, this feeling.

So, I think I’m just going to STOP thinking about it all. I have been saying for awhile now that I want to find someone for me, for now. This doesn’t have to erupt into a lifetime affair (ugh, bad choice of words), it can just be good for me, and for him, for now… or for however long it lasts. I think taking what life has to offer me right now is a good idea, as long as I keep my head on straight. He makes me happy, and I just want to enjoy this.

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