Archive for October, 2008

This week at my son’s school is Drug Awareness Week. Mostly, for short, it’s called “Drug Free Week” – which is oddly unsettling, considering he’s in 1st grade and it’s an ELEMENTARY school. As if, for this week, no drugs for you first graders!! Aah… I wish he didn’t even have to learn about that crap, but I guess the reality of it is he DOES have to learn, because there are actual scumbags out there that realy WOULD try to get my 1st grader to use drugs. Asshats.

So anyway, for the week each day is a different theme. Today is his favorite theme – crazy sock day. Needless to say, being  a little boy his socks just don’t get too crazy. We won’t discuss his mama’s crazy sock collection, that’s entirely beside the point. So, he got a grey sock, and a white sock with red & blue stripes at the top. To him, that was crazy. He was very, very proud of his crazy sock selection. I’m just glad I didn’t have to send him off in any of mine….

Before school this morning, he lifted his pants to show Aimee his crazy socks, as he cracked up laughing. She asked why his socks didn’t match, it took her a minute to catch on (she had just woken up, in her defense). I made a comment about it being drug week at school… and… here’s the kicker…

N says….

“NO mom, it’s FREE DRUGS at school this week!!!”

(P.S. – It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about lately, it’s just that I’m being greedy! Sorry. I promise to start writing more regularly. I’ve also just been really busy. New guy, looking for a new job, very little sleep, etc, etc.)

My life has been flipped upside down, and I don’t even know where to begin. For the first time in a long time, I’ve found myself smitten with life in general. Little things don’t matter so much, and I’ve realized that being happy is a real possibility for me. It doesn’t always have to be misery and pain. I hate to pin my happiness to any one person, but the truth is, someone has come along and not only made me happy, but has shown me how to be happy. Wow. It’s crazy. The timing.. it couldn’t have been more perfect.

There are so many things that I don’t see in myself that he points out to me so often… the things he sees in me – wow!! It amazes me. It amazes me even more that he tells me these things, and absolutely with every intention of making sure I know he is sincere. What is THAT called? I don’t even KNOW!

Naturally, I sit around and over think things. I over analyze, nitpick, and could kick myself for it. He’s great. He’s handsome. He’s happy. He’s genuine. And he’s crazy about ME. And how do I know this? Because I DO. For once in my life, that is the ONE thing I don’t doubt – he IS crazy about me. Our relationship has not bypassed conversation and an occasional hug or hand holding – nothing else. He doesn’t try, I don’t push. Maybe we both need this to be right? I’m not sure. Maybe we’re both chickenshit? Maybe it’s because my divorce won’t be final until January? I don’t know. I think I’d wait though. If I have to, I would. I’m pretty sure. It’s just all so new, and my mind is BLOWN away by it all.

Let’s get this straight though… I have known this guy for well over 10 years. When I moved away in 1998, he actually wrote me a couple of letters. Then we lost touch. Almost 2 weeks ago, I ran into him… we talked for hours, and have been nearly inseparable ever since. I never saw him the way I see him now. And I have had this retarded grin on my face that I can’t seem to get rid of. Nor do I want to get rid of it. It’s pretty amazing, this feeling.

So, I think I’m just going to STOP thinking about it all. I have been saying for awhile now that I want to find someone for me, for now. This doesn’t have to erupt into a lifetime affair (ugh, bad choice of words), it can just be good for me, and for him, for now… or for however long it lasts. I think taking what life has to offer me right now is a good idea, as long as I keep my head on straight. He makes me happy, and I just want to enjoy this.

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Saturday was a good day.

We started bright and early with L and her daughter and did a few hours of garage sales. We didn’t walk away with much, but it was still good times. Then N had a soccer game. After that, we (N and myself) headed to the Parish Fair for a little Mommy & Me time. It was long overdue.

N is not necessarily one to ride rides, and strangely enough, I am okay with that. Not really strange at all – I don’t like riding rides. Especially the ones at little fairs like this. I did my time suffering through the rides with L back in the days of Junior High School – I am done. N has apparantly inherited the lack of love for rides from me, because his father loves them. Still, I am okay with this fact. I’m more than okay with it – at least I’m not forced to ride them with him.

So, it goes without saying that we spent most of our time on games. Well, N spent his time playing games, I spent mine encouraging him, cheering him on, and snapping photos of him. The boy certainly loves to play some games. He doesn’t even care so much about the prizes – thank goodness, because they really suck. He had a real blast going from game to game and very quickly emptying my pockets. It was worth every penny though, to me, to see him have such a good time. And on top of that, we were making memories together, and nothing can replace that.

Once my pockets were nearly empty, we got snowballs and walked around to sightsee a little. We ran into a few people we knew, chit chatted a bit, and carried on. Eventually we found our way to the cows. Man, did it ever stink!! However, I wanted a picture of Noah with a cow or two in the background, and he was very hesitant… He wouldn’t back up anymore than he already was, so I backed up some (I had cows behind me, too!), and managed to snap this picture right after he realized that the cow behind him was kind of eyeballin’ him…

I love that picture. The pure excitement on his face embodies the day for me. This little trip to the rinky dink Parish Fair holds memories that I will treasure for the rest of my life, and I hope he will, too.

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