It’s a bittersweet day.

My little Cletus has graduated Kindergarten, and is now officially a 1st grader. I’m so proud of him. He has been through a lot this year… first the loss of a baby brother or sister, and then his father and I separating…. yet he kept on going, and has learned to deal with things in ways that I never wanted him to have to deal with at his age.

I remember when he was born. I was so insanely happy when they told me it was a boy. (And entirely justified for the previous 28 hours of bitching I had done when they told me he was just under 10 lbs.). I couldn’t wait to be his mom, to be his friend, to teach him things and watch him grow. Last year when he started Pre-K I felt as if I was handing my sweet baby over to someone else, and I was so worried about how and what he would learn. While he naturally learned things I’d rather him not, he also learned more than I ever dreamt of.

I’m babbling, I know. This is probably not going to make a whole lot of sense because truthfully, I’m not sure where I’m headed with this. I just know that sitting here looking at my boy, it’s hard to believe that 6 years of his life have already gone by.

Cletus

I have always tried to savor every moment with him, to make all the time together count, and to make good memories with him… yet in looking at him, and wondering where the time went, I feel like I missed something. Maybe I just miss those times gone by, the times that we can never get back. Maybe I need to get out some video of him when he was two, maybe that would feed my aching soul. The hugs lasted longer back then.

He’s growing up. I don’t like it one bit. Do I have to? He may be the only kid I ever have, I’m just not ready for him to grow up so fast…

I’m going to spend some time with Cletus. I am in dire need of some mommy time…

Go hold your kid close if you’ve got one. Someday they aren’t going to let us hold them so tight anymore, and I feel as if that day is just around the corner. I dread it.