Archive for May, 2008
*&%*&^*&%!!!
This might be my first “People Piss Me Off” post. Can’t believe it took this long!!
Let me just say something first… IF you happen to be effin lucky enough to be my myspace friend, and I delete you – suck it up. You had to know it wouldn’t last long, because I probably never really liked you that much anyway. HOWEVER… if you are my *&%*&^*&% family and you think I have deleted you from my “Myspace Friends” list – try this: ASK ME!!!
My day just took a drastic turn south when I checked my myspace email. When I saw the subject line of “deleted?” I thought – what? Wonder what this is about…
I never should have opened that *&%*&^*&% email, because A) it hurt my feelings and B) it made me cry. Both of those things suck, and in turn just really pissed me off.
It wasn’t a simple “Hey, what’s up? Why did you delete me? Or did you? Maybe myspace is stupid and whacky and something crazy just happened and you didn’t delete me – let me know. …” Ya know, something simple, something civil.
Oh no. Not in my life, you can bet your ass on that! It was an absolute “Slit Your Throat” approach that attacked me on every level. For something that I did not do (I didn’t delete this person, btw – I honestly never even look at my friends list TO delete anyone, because I just DON’T CARE that much), I was laid into from everything about my relationship with this person, to my parenting, to the things I need to do to see what’s wrong with ME and why I am not happy with myself… oh and several times it was pointed out that I’m a hypocrite…
Nice. Thank you!
My background music just changed.
I’m so *&%*&^*&% tired of being attacked lately, it’s just not even amusing anymore. I don’t get involved in people’s business, I keep their secrets, I treasure them individually, yet I always end up being the bad guy. I’m sick of it. I’ve had my fill.
I wish I had a place I could go to where I could just SCREAM really loud and no one could hear me.
This is such crap.
I’m over it. I’m a good person. I don’t mistreat people. I’ve had my say, and I’m moving on… it’s all bullshit anyway.
strange days
That is exactly what the last couple of days have been like. Strange. I can’t really think of another word that is more fitting… I’ve had fun, I’ve been impressed, someone has been nice to me, and the best part of it all is I was just being me, not expecting anything. Just me. And someone liked that. What? Yeah. I’m saving that story for me. I might share with you another day, but not today. I kind of like it, and I’m not ready to share. However, for future reference, we’ll refer to this person who was nice to me as “T”.
However, there were some funny moments that were definitely worth writing home about. Namely yesterday, when I was naively summoned by T’s mother. I am not sure what I thought was going to happen, but as it turns out there was an Inquisition and let’s just say, it was not an opportunity for me to ask questions. It was partially funny, really… but I think it left a scar.
I think… oh hell. I am done thinking for today. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, I’ve been throwing up since 5:30am, have been in bed with cold sweats, and I don’t want to think. Especially about the last few days… well, except for the good parts. I’ll think about those, and revisit this later.
do you hear that?
it’s like background music.. it’s in my head, all the time. I always hear music. Today it sounds like this. I don’t know why … that doesn’t make sense, I know. Especially if you aren’t the type of person that has a life soundtrack playing 24/7 in your mind (like I do).
Do you hear it? Do you hear your own? What is it?
days gone by
It’s a bittersweet day.
My little Cletus has graduated Kindergarten, and is now officially a 1st grader. I’m so proud of him. He has been through a lot this year… first the loss of a baby brother or sister, and then his father and I separating…. yet he kept on going, and has learned to deal with things in ways that I never wanted him to have to deal with at his age.
I remember when he was born. I was so insanely happy when they told me it was a boy. (And entirely justified for the previous 28 hours of bitching I had done when they told me he was just under 10 lbs.). I couldn’t wait to be his mom, to be his friend, to teach him things and watch him grow. Last year when he started Pre-K I felt as if I was handing my sweet baby over to someone else, and I was so worried about how and what he would learn. While he naturally learned things I’d rather him not, he also learned more than I ever dreamt of.
I’m babbling, I know. This is probably not going to make a whole lot of sense because truthfully, I’m not sure where I’m headed with this. I just know that sitting here looking at my boy, it’s hard to believe that 6 years of his life have already gone by.
Cletus
I have always tried to savor every moment with him, to make all the time together count, and to make good memories with him… yet in looking at him, and wondering where the time went, I feel like I missed something. Maybe I just miss those times gone by, the times that we can never get back. Maybe I need to get out some video of him when he was two, maybe that would feed my aching soul. The hugs lasted longer back then.
He’s growing up. I don’t like it one bit. Do I have to? He may be the only kid I ever have, I’m just not ready for him to grow up so fast…
I’m going to spend some time with Cletus. I am in dire need of some mommy time…
Go hold your kid close if you’ve got one. Someday they aren’t going to let us hold them so tight anymore, and I feel as if that day is just around the corner. I dread it.
